As much as we love the Olympics, don’t worry, VH1 Celebrity is not going to go into the sports-writing business. So if you’re looking for a place to find out whether Ryan Lochte or Michael Phelps is going to win more races today, this is not it. We know they are swimming a lot today. Here’s the schedule. And now onto the things we know how to write about: How delicious these 27-year-old friends and rivals are, and what is interesting about their lives outside of the pool.

Are they single?
Rumor has it that Ryan’s got his eye on Australian swimmer Blair Evans. Last year, Michael broke up with former Miss California Nicole Johnson.

How hot are they?

Sorry that was a gratuitous question so we could share this Vogue cover and Details spread.

How do they relax?
Well, since that whole bong incident, we hope Michael is keeping any kind of recreational drug use on the DL. Now, he told Today, he’s been spending time in the Olympic Village watching The Wire and Breaking Bad. Ryan values his down time immensely. “For me to swim my best, I need to be relaxed,” he told Matt Lauer. So if that means he’ll be skateboarding, no matter the fact that he once broke his ankle doing it, it’s worth the risk.

What do they obsess over?

Michael Phelps says he plays “like 30 hours a week” of Call of Duty. Ryan Lochte told the New York Times he owns 130 pairs of sneakers, including the above Adidas he’s been rocking in London.

What are their personalities like?
We love this quote from the New York Times. “Lochte, 27, and Phelps are friends, in large part because Lochte has the personality of a golden Labrador. He is impossible to dislike. Phelps has more pit bull in him. He can be friendly, but when he feels threatened he is quick to bare his teeth.”

What do they endorse?

Never mind, we’re not going to list all of their deals here. We just wanted to share Phelps’ Head and Shoulders shoot, and a shot of Lochte’s signature Speedo sneakers, which, strangely are pictured in order to sell his line of flip-flops.

What are their most awesome quotes?
We don’t know where this comes from, but the Internets have this existential quote from Phelps: “Every day after I wake up, I think, ‘Wait… this can’t be real; I’m still going to wake up.’ ”
Ryan actually has a couple of catchphrases: “Jeah,” taken from Young Jeezy (and pronounced “yeah”), and “Ho,” which the Times defines as “kind of like the inverse of Homer Simpson’s ‘D’oh!’ ”

We hope this all prepares you for hours of swimming coverage. Come back here all Olympics long for more very helpful facts about the athletes! And now, a gratuitous picture of Ryan and his nephew Zaydin:

[Photos: Getty Images, Vogue, Details, Call of Duty, Tumblr, Getty, Speedo, Twitter]

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